You don't have to explain it to us, the groomsmen picture was not your idea. You knew enough to supply the personalized beer mugs as groomsmen gifts, but what seemed like a simple shot of five guys with a plastic smile now looks as natural as a Jack-in-the-box taco.
Even though it may seem like your groomsmen got standing lessons from Quasimodo, there's no reason to fret. You can make your vow of brotitude a work of art with GroomStand's blasphemous guide to the perfect dude picture.
The Ten Commandments of Groomsmen Photography
10. Thou Shalt Not Show thy Rage nor Fury
Try to look tough in your wedding pictures and you'll just look like a d-bag who doesn't know how to smile. You're not in the mob. You have no entourage. We're assuming you've never been shot. And there's no reason to strike fear in heart of the bride.
9. Thou Shalt not use thy Overexposure nor thy Fisheye Lens
We'll let it pass for a Christian rock album cover, but there's no arguable reason to look like a 40-foot washed-out giant.
8. Thou Shalt Resist thy Timed Action Pose
Action shots have the potential for greatness. That is, until someone tries to make you and your groomsmen defy gravity. No matter what, your picture will look funky because that one guy doesn't commit to the shot (you know who you are.)
Sometimes the high-flying action poses turn out just fine, which begs the question: how many hours of jumping did it take to get this goofy picture?
7. Thou Shalt Consider thy Bride's Wishes
The bride wants wonderful, iconic pictures of the happiest day of her life. If that means continuing the search for droids at the wedding - may the force be with you!
6. Thou Shalt Know thy Picture is Shot
No matter what crazy pose you want to try (like this seven-headed groomsmonster) - it's not going to turn out if someone keeps asking the groom's father questions.
5. Thou Shalt Present thy Picture to thy Future Child Without Embarrassment
Sure, your affluent suburban friends and you flashing "gang" signs by your Chevy in the woods is all the rage in 2009, but you'll deserve ever ounce of crap your kids can dish out in 20 years. By the way, the peace-sign tilted to the side is not a gang sign. And spelling "blood" with your fingers is overplayed.
4. Thou Shalt not Strike thy Pose
Looking off into the distance may seem like a philosophic artistic expression at the time, but to the rest of the world it looks like the photographer asked you guys to put your hands on your hips and do long division.
3. Thou Shalt not Depend on thy Hat
Unless your friends and you wear matching fedoras everyday (because you're cool like that), lose the rented hat. Otherwise, you'll end up looking like a group of smooth criminals. And trust me, that trend ended four Michael Jackson blog posts ago.
2. Thou Shalt not Punish thy Groomsmen
The "faces down the line" might sound great on paper, but the fifth groomsmen on the left might as well be in no man's land. Even though his face is barely visible, he's still content after a few nips from his groomsmen gift of a personalized flask.
1. Thou Shalt Appear Comfortable
As a groom, the last thing you want is to not put any effort into your groomsmen picture, and still look like a goober. Sit in front of a mirror for an hour and practice your smile (I'm serious). You're going to force a few hundred grins every hour on your wedding day, and you need to know if you look like a dimwit with your teeth showing.