Gifts from Groomzilla

It's hard to buy groomsmen gifts for people in the WPWPP (Wedding Party Witness Protection Program). Indeed, we've all heard of that bug-eyed nuptial dictator whose wedding party cowers at the shrill incessant ring of their cell phone, trembles at the thought of having groomsmen gifts hurled at them, or jumps at their heavy foot storming into the dressing room.

Yes, we are talking not about Bridezilla, but about her alter-ego Groomzilla. From going off on the five-minutes-late limo driver to screaming at the innocently clumsy waitress, anyone who has digital cable knows that Groomzillas are real and terrifying. And much like she of Bridezilla fame, the people who are going to feel the real 'zilla brunt are the members of the wedding party. Which begs the question, what groomsmen gifts do you buy for the guys who put up with everything? Depending on the actual amount of duress you've put them under, our guess is your groomsmen gifts are going to have to be pretty nice. Here's a rough chart of common Groomzilla sins and their groomsmen gifts equivalent:

Groomzilla Sin #1: Sweet-talked your groomsman's girl into stripping at the bachelor party so you could save money on hiring dancers. Groomsmen Gifts Path to Forgiveness: A trip to Vegas, with lap dances o'plenty.

Groomzilla Sin #2: Enrolled the guys in boxing lessons against their will so the "chub-buckets" would shape up for the Big Day. Groomsmen Gifts Path to Forgiveness: One-on-one boxing matches in which you allow each groomsman to pummel you mercilessly until he feels vindicated.

Groomzilla Sin #3: Made them serenade the bride to her favorite song "Fill me up, Buttercup" outside her window for a week after you two had a falling-out. Groomsmen Gifts Path to Forgiveness: An elaborate pre-bachelor party ballet dance to prove to them you are even more in touch with your feminine side than they are.

Groomzilla Sin #4: Refused to book your friend's younger brother's band in favor of a professional Bossa Nova group to play at the reception. Groomsmen Gifts Path to Forgiveness: Let the little fellas play at the rehearsal dinner, and write them a letter of recommendation.

Groomzilla Sin #5: Humiliated your groomsmen by making a scene in the restaurant because the waitress accidentally spilled champagne on your faux-leather shoes. Groomsmen Gifts Path to Forgiveness: Invite them back out to dinner at the same place, apologize publicly to the waitress and leave a generous tip, along with your most single groomsman's phone number.