A Guide to Spotting Wedding Crashers

On the Big Day, a groom's gotta protect his groomsmen gifts, his Grey Goose fountain and his girl from the predatory hands of wedding crashers. Unfortunately, now that a sequel is being made to the summer movie that started all this crashing brouhaha, it's going to be harder than ever to weed out wedding interlopers. Luckily, Groomstand's got your guide to doing just that! Read this clever primer and you won't have to worry about strapping your groomsmen gifts to your hip (unless of course, it's a nifty flask like this one.)

Step 1: Look for unnaturally attractive wedding guests. Fact is, you and your crew have always been suspicious of pretty boys. While your own friends aren't ugly per se, they certainly aren't the type to request body waxing and man-icures as groomsmen gifts. Ipso facto, the first thing you can do to weed out wedding crashers is to scan the crowd for inordinately good-looking men and have them removed from the premises. Hey, clearly they're wedding crashers or "old friends" of the bride-either way, ejection is in order.

Step 2: Give out tasers as groomsmen gifts. Not only are tasers awesome, these little stun-buttons will make it easy for your groomsmen to double as bouncers, even if they are built more like bean bags. If you see a guest engaging in questionable behavior: chatting up bridesmaids, balloon-animal construction, dancing with Granny, your groomsmen can quickly zap the perpetrator using their new-found groomsmen gifts and haul the suspect into a reception hall room for questioning.

Step 3: Sniff out suspicious family associations. You can bet your weight in groomsmen gifts that if there are wedding crashers in your midst, they came fully prepared with some cock-and-bull story about being childhood paper boys or third cousins thirty-times removed. There is a simple way to handle this: Instead of a simple guest book, opt for a guest video. Under the guise of creating a nostalgic keepsake, you'll earn yourself a handy interrogation camera that you and your groomsmen can take turns scanning for shady stories throughout the night. As added incentive, let the groomsman who catches something fishy keep the video camera and spare tapes as groomsmen gifts.

Step 4: Watch for ladies man versus guy's guy syndrome. Have your guys fully talk up their groomsmen gifts: golf clubs, baseball bats, poker sets. If a man in the group doesn't join in the dugout war stories or slips off to the single lady guests, there's a good chance you've got a wedding crasher on your hands. A man who doesn't appreciate the worth of on-the-green groomsmen gifts is clearly just there to pick up girls, and such behavior smacks of wedding crasher status!

By following this guide carefully you should be able to guard your groomsmen gifts, protect your girl's bridesmaids, and keep the reception dance party invite-only! Well done, groom.