Walk the aisle or walk the plank?
Allow me to introduce myself...I am Sam Alton. The Sam Dawg, Big Sammy, Sam I Am. Most of the ladies call me Prick Face, because like Leykis, I tells it likes it is.
Don't be alarmed or frightened, gentlemen, but before I bring you those groomsmen gifts you're waiting for, and before I cheer you on at the big day, I want to open up a dialogue with you - before you say those final words that have doomed so many men before you. The dreaded words..."I (gulp) I - d-d-d-(gulp a little vomit this time) d-d-DO!" Have you looked at the signs laid out before you? Have you noticed the men in the fog? You know the ones. The men who have had their sweetbreads pickled in a jar in her cabinet for years. The fog has consumed many and they usually trail their betrothed (I love that word-sounds like a pig living in a dung filled barn) through the aisles of your local grocery store. Most likely they're five paces behind nodding their heads obliviously to whatever mumbo jumbo is falling out of the jabbering spouse. "We need to eat healthier. No more junk food!" She glares at him as she pulls out his double stuff Oreo cookies and tosses them back on the shelf. He is powerless to stop her. "You're getting a double chin and look at your belly!" She says condescendingly. He wishes he could find the courage to ask her to look at herself in the mirror. Pot - Kettle - Black he wishes he could shout out. But he doesn't. He simply nods and follows along aimlessly. My gosh, he wishes he could free those sweetbreads from the jar at home. If only he had the strength. Where did it all go? He was once a strapping young man filled with piss and vinegar. Yes he was...in fact not all that long ago...he was once just like, well...YOU! So let me ask you again...are you walking the aisle or walking the plank, my friend? If the warning signs are there...you already know it. I'm only asking you to be sure you're making the right decision before you buy your groomsmen gifts. No one can save you but YOU. Mighty Sammy is only here to help you and be that angel on your shoulder. Where oh where did all the Archie Bunker's go? He never had a problem telling Edith to stick it in her ear.
Comments
Sam, come on man, I'm getting married in 2 weeks. I don't need to read this stuff! I know what you are saying and I'm confident I'm walking down the aisle, NOT the plank, but this article did make me stop and think for a moment.
Posted by: Jack - June 9, 2006 3:33 PM
hey you have some good points, and i only found this articl ecause i am bored and googled my own name and this came up.
Posted by: Sam Alton - July 19, 2006 8:50 PM
That guy needs to get laid...
Posted by: - July 20, 2006 12:41 PM
ur a dumbass
Posted by: - August 17, 2006 6:42 PM
Post a Comment