"Money Clipping - 15 Yards"
(The following is an actual conversation about groomsmen gifts that took place in this reviewer’s head.)
A Groom-To-Be is seated at his computer. He picks up his cell phone and dials. After a few rings, his Best Man picks up. He, too, is seated in front of a computer.
GROOM-TO-BE: Hey.
BEST MAN: Hey.
GTB: Hey.
BM: What’re you doing?
GTB: On-line.
BM: Porn?
GTB: Dude, I’m getting married in a month.
BM: Right. (after a beat) Porn?
GTB: Shopping for groomsmen gifts. What’re you doing?
BM: Porn.
GTB: Need to go?
BM: Nah. Haven’t found anyone interesting tonight. There was this blonde Russian chick, but her thumbnail was screwed up.
GTB: Picture didn’t download?
BM: No. Her thumbnail was literally screwed up. Yellow and deformed -- both of them. Sloppy cropping.
GTB: Listen, I need to get you, Mike, Steve and Turdhead groomsmen gifts.
BM: Cool. How much you spending?
GTB: Twenty, thirty bucks.
BM: I’ll take the cash.
GTB: Sorry. Gotta buy a gift. You all like football, right?
BM: Turdhead likes soccer. Frickin’ Turdhead.
GTB: You know, ‘soccer’ in Spanish is called football.
BM: Really?
GTB: Si.
BM: Okay, we all like football. Why?
GTB: I’m thinking about getting you guys a money clip with an emblem of your favorite NFL team for groomsmen gifts.
BM: Cool. They make those?
GTB: Even comes with a personalized engraving on each clip. I can put your names on it.
BM: ‘Turd’ is spelled with a “u†not “eâ€.
GTB: You and Mike like the Philadelphia Eagles, and Steve the New York Giants.
BM: Yeah. Get Turdhead the Houston Texans ‘cause they’re crap.
GTB: Done. See? This is better than cash, right?
BM: Slip a twenty in the clip and it’ll be much better.
The end.
(This reviewer now focuses on an ACTUAL conversation he's having with his wife. This reviewer now takes out the garbage.)
Comments
Post a Comment