Groomsmen's Blog

How to Pick Your Groomsmen and Best Man

Posted on Sep 05, 2013. 0 comments

“How to pick your groomsmen,” we’ve talked about this sometimes touchy issues before on GroomStand.com. But, in the scheme of wedding planning for a guy, it’s a pretty big deal, maybe one of the biggest responsibilities you’ll be charged with (along with selecting groomsmen gifts for them), so it’s well worth rehashing and elaborating upon.

Long before the wedding day, it’s time to start mulling over who you’d like to be your best man, groomsmen and ushers. Identifying the family members and buddies you want to support on your big day is an important decision for many reasons. The first is you’ll be creating memories that will be shared with everyone in the wedding party until the proverbial “until death do you part.”

Before you start making your list, check with your fiancée and follow her lead on numbers of people you’ll need and when on the calendar to ask them. Traditionally, the number of groomsmen matches the number of bridesmaids. So, for a small and intimate wedding you may just have one or two while for a mega-event, the numbers of bridesmaids and groomsmen sometimes reach into the dozens. According to various statistics on the internet, the average number of groomsmen is four and the world record for the largest number of groomsmen is 47.

Whether “too many” or “too few,” it is rare that a groom agrees with the bride that the proposed number is “just right.” Some men find it intimidating to request a favor of such magnitude from so many men while other guys have trouble narrowing down the field of friends. Unlike the bride, a man also has to consider that for larger weddings, a number of ushers are also par for the course. The standard ration for this job role is one usher per 50 guests.

Before impulsively asking every guy you’ve ever grabbed a beer to join your wedding day roster, take time to consider who is meaningful in your life, who will be meaningful in your life and who will take the responsibilities seriously. Here are some good places to start your recruiting:

Brothers: Brothers are typically very close; this is why the marrying brother almost always asks the other brother – the alleged role model -- to be his best man. It’s also okay to have more than one brother be your best man; we would want anyone to be in the awkward position of leaving a brother out of this experience. Stepbrothers, especially if you’ve grown up together, will be another natural choice for your lineup of groomsmen. Sometimes in a group of brothers, there is no jockeying for position (rare, I know). In this event, have them flip a coin to determine who is best man – and if they still can’t decide, let them know their groomsmen gift will be better!

Brothers of Fiancé: In terms of proper etiquette, including your bride-to-be’s brothers in your wedding is a thoughtful gesture. Not only is it a good way to get your marriage off on a good start from your bride’s point of view, it gives you the chance to build a stronger relationship with your new, legally-sanctioned sibling and welcome him into your family.

Friends: For those guys with just few close confidants, it’s obvious that these should be your groomsmen. However, especially in situations where the bride has a huge entourage of bridesmaids, it can be more difficult to pick and choose among other “layers” of male relationships. Whether you know the buddy from pre-school or university or have connected more recently on the job, the biggest checkmark for the guys you select is the bond you share.

Other Family: Cousins, nephews and other family members, even distant ones, can also make fine picks for your groomsmen, ushers and other wedding party members. Younger male family members can be made to feel “grown up” by being charged with special roles such as ring bearer, junior groomsmen or helpers at the reception.

Remember to thank these men for supporting you through the years and on your big day with a special choice in groomsmen gifts. Your best man, groomsmen, ushers and ring bearer will especially appreciate personalized gifts for groomsmen – these groomsmen gifts show that you’ve though specifically of them. At Groomstand.com, there are many best man gift ideas that will convey your thanks for years to come.

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