Groomsmen's Blog

100 Worst Groomsmen Gift Ideas

Posted on Mar 03, 2010. 0 comments

the groomsmen gift of nothing.jpg
Ever receive a bad gift? Maybe it was that hand-knitted bird sweater from your Grandma that led to a swift beat-down on the playground. Maybe it was that re-gifted pot holder that says "Sarah" on the gift tag (your name is Jim). Bad gift givers like to say something is better than nothing. We disagree. We polled groomsmen from all walks of life to find the 100 worst groomsmen gifts.

100 Worst Groomsmen Gifts

  1. Male thongs
  2. A wheel of cheese
  3. That 20 bucks he already owes you
  4. A-B-C gum
  5. A reed diffuser (What, you're telling me my house smells?)
  6. A bandanna with a banana pattern on it
  7. An old bicycle with one pedal
  8. The phone number of a romance novel author
  9. A dancing sunflower alarm clock
  10. A bikini wax job (um...)
  11. A "man"icure (There's nothing manly about it)
  12. Neon pink tank top with the word "groomsman" on it in rhinestones.
  13. A Maltese named Princess that you'll be forced to parade around with for the next 15 years
  14. A man purse (a.k.a. murse)
  15. Leather chaps
  16. A case of tangerine wine coolers.
  17. A self-help book that tells you how to lose weight
  18. A dusty VHS player
  19. Gift Certificate to McDonalds for a free ice-cream cone and Mc Nuggets. (Mc "No Thank You").
  20. Tickets to see the Nut Cracker. (The words "Nuts" and "Cracker," don't belong together. And it's only the scariest. ballet. ever)
  21. A Celine Dion album
  22. Chia Pets
  23. Garden gnomes
  24. A Jane Fonda workout video
  25. Pocket protectors
  26. Wine glasses (What happened to beer?)
  27. A "Pretty Woman" DVD (The uncut version)
  28. Donation made in your name to the local transgender society, complete with your phone number and address on the mailing list. (The future solicitations will never stop and you'll never date again)
  29. Dollar Store grab bag (Price tag attached)
  30. Ash trays that the groom made at the local pottery painting place. And you don't smoke. But he painted your name on real nice...
  31. 6 pack of Bic lighters and a cigar from the irregular bin
  32. Beaded bracelet that the bride made in her beginning jewelry class at the community college
  33. The extra favor boxes leftover at the end of the reception
  34. Sunglasses circa 1993. Neon is not back in and it's not old enough to be retro.
  35. Anything that looks like it came from Goodwill. The stench will give it away
  36. Stack of Archie and Jughead comics from the line at the grocery store. ('Cause you like to read and all)
  37. Pack of Virginia Slims
  38. Happy Meal toys. (Even if it is GI Joe, this groomsman gift sucks)
  39. Dollar-store-bin undies with his name sewn into them
  40. A feral cat
  41. Belly button lint
  42. A handful of couch Cheetos
  43. Arena Football tickets
  44. Year supply of car washes (You take the bus)
  45. License plate covers that read "Groovy Groomsman Aboard"
  46. Sod
  47. A soiled wig
  48. A monkey paw from that creepy store that sells Voodoo stuff
  49. Fortune cookies... sans fortune
  50. A restraining order
  51. A brochure from Alcoholics Anonymous
  52. An army of porcelain dolls so they can stare at you with murderous intent
  53. A Christmas ornament. (You're Jewish)
  54. Pumpkin-pie-scented lotion
  55. A fraying LA Gear Jean jacket, sweat stains and all
  56. A mail-order bride to nag you so you're just as miserable as the groom
  57. Tickets to a "Tijuana show" along with cash for the surgery you'll need after you gouge your eyes out
  58. Scratch off lotto tickets and a case of Bud Light
  59. The thigh master (It's just going to spring back and accidentally hit you in the chin. You might as well punch yourself in the face)
  60. A XXL tee-shirt, plastered with the groom's wedding pictures. (You're a medium. And you wouldn't walk around wearing a sandwich board of the bride and groom. So don't wear their "we're in love," tee shirt)
  61. Cheap cologne that makes you stink like you just took a dip in the Amazon River
  62. Carnival goldfish (Am I supposed to feed these things?)
  63. Anything Hello Kitty (A great groomsmen gift, if only I was a 12-year-old girl)
  64. A possessed Teddy Ruxbin
  65. A cassette tape player and old tape of Motley Crew
  66. A moose clock that bellows every hour on the hour
  67. Sea-monkeys
  68. A gift certificate to a tattoo parlor with the hope that the whole wedding party gets matching tattoos. (You're not in the boy band 98 Degrees. Yes, Nick LaShay we remember)
  69. A poem or painting the groom created himself. (Sorry buddy, your creative endeavors don't count as groomsmen gifts)
  70. Magazine subscriptions (magazines are dead)
  71. Remaindered paperback books
  72. A used clown lamp with light up eyes (shudder)
  73. Bootleg copies of Elvis movies (ones that feature beefy, older Elvis)
  74. An airport vomit bag ...filled (No, this isn't a nice keepsake of the Vegas bachelor party)
  75. Toe socks
  76. Beano
  77. Adult diapers. (Unless you know someone who is going on a very long trip. Only then are diapers thoughtful groomsmen gifts)
  78. Personalized toilet paper with the bride's face on it (Actually if you hate the bride this makes a great groomsmen gift)
  79. Personalized toilet paper with the groom's face on it (Like you really want that ugly mug staring up at you)
  80. The What's Your Poo Telling You? book
  81. A one-way ticket to Siberia
  82. A one-way ticket to Kansas
  83. Pink speedos
  84. A paperweight shaped like a dumbbell (How clever)
  85. A toilet seat with your picture on it
  86. Tickets to see "Cats"
  87. A ceramic angel
  88. A ceramic anything
  89. A re-gifted George Foreman grill (Just scrape off the grease)
  90. A Jesus nightlight
  91. A hand-crafted coupon book with lame coupons for things like a night out with the guys
  92. A house plant (It will surely die, leaving you to clean up its remains)
  93. A coupon for 15% off your dry cleaning (You wear jeans and tee-shirts)
  94. An engraved flask personalized with your uber humiliating childhood nickname (Now everyone knows you were once nicknamed Georgy Porgy)
  95. A headstone
  96. Man jewelry of any sort (With the exception of cufflinks and gold chains)
  97. His old head gear
  98. Jumper cables (What are you, my dad?)
  99. A car air-freshener that smells like an old fart
  100. Nothing

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